


No Heaven Without You

by roseable



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bees, Castiel Deserves Better (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Dean Winchester In Love, Episode: s15e20 Carry On, First Kiss, Fix-It, Heaven, Love Confessions, M/M, Missing Scene, Post-Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Reunions, castiel has his own garden in heaven with bees, i teared up while writing this, i'm just dumping a whole lot of fluff and sweetness, i'm just trying to cope ok, is cas still an angel? hell if i know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:28:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27654121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roseable/pseuds/roseable
Summary: "Always the bees with you, Cas."A familiar voice spoke from behind him, a smile woven into the words. Castiel couldn't suppress the full smile that rose on his face but he didn't turn around.---Dean finally gets to say what he needs to say.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 100





	No Heaven Without You

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so I have a lot of feelings about the finale which I will not go into now (or possibly ever lol) but I will say that I sobbed through most of it and am still recovering. 
> 
> This may or may not become a series about everyone having a good time in heaven because I need my comfort fluff and don't want to do angst. 
> 
> Big thanks to my lovely beta! <3
> 
> Enjoy :)

Tiny insect legs tickled Castiel’s skin as the honey bee walked up his finger. He smiled, turning his hand with the little creature’s movement until it rested on his knuckle. Bees had always comforted him. Not only were they fascinating to watch but also so sure of their purpose in life. Go out, collect pollen, back to the hive, and make honey. And they helped their fellow creatures by participating in pollination. Castiel often thought he would have loved to be a bee if he wasn’t an angel. Or whatever he was now. 

“You’re a tiny miracle,” he told the bee on his knuckle. “And you’re very good at what you do.” 

Predictably, the bee ignored him. 

“Bees make better company than most,” Castiel continued. He settled down onto the grass and crossed his legs, bringing his hand closer to his face to see the little bee more clearly. “You’re good listeners. You understand. The bees on earth understood me but never talked back. I suppose it’s the same in heaven.” He frowned. “Although, I’m not entirely sure how all this works. A lot of the things Jack said went over my head.”

The bee scurried up Castiel’s ring finger to rest on the tip. “Regardless, I am glad that we have bees in heaven,” Castiel said. “I loved all of earth’s animals but you are certainly one of my favourites.” 

The bee’s antennae waved cheerily as it walked down the side of his finger. 

Castiel’s mouth twitched. “Alright, fine. My favourite.” 

“Always the bees with you, Cas.” 

A familiar voice spoke from behind him, a smile woven into the words. Castiel couldn’t suppress the full smile that rose on his face but he didn’t turn around. 

“Now,” he said to the bee. “Dean, here – he doesn’t believe you can understand me. But perhaps that is for the best. Now we may talk about him behind his back and he need never know.” 

Dean chuckled. “I don’t think the other bees give a damn about anything you have to say about me.” 

Castiel hummed thoughtfully. “Perhaps not. But I’m certain that at least some of them enjoy a good gossip.” 

The bee on his finger took flight into the flowerbed once more and landed on a tulip, disappearing into the petals to find nectar. Castiel got to his feet, brushing the grass off of his trench coat as he turned to face his friend. 

“Hello, Dean.” 

Dean smiled and it seemed somehow different. “Hey, Cas.”

Then he was stepping into Castiel’s space and pulling him into a tight hug. And as Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean Winchester’s back and felt his hair tickle his cheek, it was like nothing and everything had changed all at once. Dean hugged him like he always had, firm yet gentle. And he smelled the same as he always did, of leather and gun oil and Dean. But the tension in his shoulders was gone, the constant wariness brought on by the life of a hunter and years of hardship and trauma had melted away. And as Castiel pulled away to look him properly in the eyes, he noticed that his smile was light and easy. As if he’d woken up rested and refreshed from a good long sleep. 

“You look well,” he said. 

Dean smiled. He seemed to be doing that a lot. Castiel liked it. “You do too, Cas.” He shook his head in amusement. “I’ve been looking for you for ages. You’re a difficult man to find when you want to be.”

“I enjoy my peace and quiet,” Castiel said. “I’m sure you can imagine how difficult that can be to find with Bobby, Ellen, Jo and Pamela living nearby. Just to name a few.” 

Dean grinned. “Yeah, they can be a handful. You have a place here too?” 

“Yes.” Castiel nodded off to the left. “I have a small house. This is part of my garden.” 

“It’s beautiful.” Dean looked around appraisingly, taking in the lush bushes, flowerbeds and trees. “You’ve done a good job.” 

“It’s rather easy to grow things in heaven.”

Both men were distracted as a large fluffy bumblebee buzzed lazily between them, meandering on its way to wherever its next engagement was. Castiel felt light, complete. 

“Cas,” Dean said. 

“Yes, Dean?” The former angel turned his gaze away from the bee. 

Dean licked his lips, one hand coming up to scratch nervously at his neck. “First off, you know I’m no good with the whole feelings thing, right?” 

Castiel nodded. “I am aware. I believe Sam has used the phrase,” he bent his index and middle fingers. “‘the poster child for emotional constipation’ to describe you in the past.” 

Dean scowled. “Yeah, well Sam’s a jackass. Anyway, that’s not the point. What I’m trying to say is that even though I’m bad at this kinda stuff, I’m still going to try, ok?” 

Castiel tilted his head, confused. “Try with what?” 

Dean was looking as awkward as Castiel had ever seen him. He seemed completely out of his comfort zone, like he had ventured out into deep water after only having a handful of swimming lessons. “Ok. Ok. Cas.” He cleared his throat. “Cas, back in the bunker when you – when you told me you loved me, you meant it in a romantic way, right?”

Castiel felt his heart flutter, mind speeding back to his last goodbye to Dean, the confession falling from his lips and forcing down the urge to kiss the hunter in favour of pushing him to safety. “Yes,” he confirmed. He felt heat creeping up his neck to his face and observed with vague interest that he could, apparently, blush in heaven. “I did.” 

Dean nodded, some of the awkwardness leaving his face. “Ok.” 

“Did you doubt what I meant? I’d have thought it was obvious.”

Dean shrugged sheepishly. “S’good to double check, right? But anyway, I never got the chance to say anything back so I’ll do my best now.” He took a deep breath, arms settling awkwardly at his sides. “I’m no good at this,” he muttered.

Castiel was now thoroughly confused although bordering on tentatively hopeful. “Dean, what –”

“I love you too,” Dean blurted out. 

A bird chirped from a nearby tree. Castiel blinked. A flush rose on Dean’s cheeks, showing his freckles more prominently. 

He shook his head in frustration. “Dammit, Cas, why are you so good with words? How am I supposed to live up to everything you said in the bunker? Look, what I’m trying to say is that I’m in love with you. And I have been for a long ass time. I don’t even know when it happened. One day, you were just Cas and the next you were…” Dean shrugged helplessly. “ _Cas_.”

The added emphasis on his name, though such a little thing, made Castiel feel somehow like he was the biggest and most important thing in all of heaven. And the soft smile in Dean’s green eyes caused something somewhere near his sternum to swell as if it was about to burst. 

“I don’t know why I never told you.” Dean shook his head and Castiel saw a shimmer of tears. “No, that’s a lie. I know why. I was scared. Scared to be myself, scared to lose you, scared to allow the possibility of having something good in my life. Especially since you’ve always been far too good for me. I guess I just never felt like I deserved you, Cas.” He laughed awkwardly. “I’m still not one hundred percent sure I do, honestly.”

Castiel was tolerant of many things. Of other people’s opinions (provided they didn’t hurt anyone else), of obnoxious seagulls, and of those who put mayonnaise on pizza. But one thing he could never and would never tolerate was Dean Winchester putting himself down. 

He stepped forward and gripped Dean tight by the shoulders, his right hand falling to the exact spot it had twice before – once when raising him from perdition and once when shoving him to the floor in the bunker. 

“Listen to me, Dean Winchester,” Castiel growled. “I’m sure you recall my words in the bunker so I won’t repeat them, but I will reiterate this: you are the best man I have ever had the honour to know. You are the best of humanity. And I will stand by that until the very last star in the universe burns out and the last traces of any of us are gone from existence.” His left hand moved to the junction of Dean’s neck and shoulder, fingers curling around his shirt collar. “Moreover, I will not allow you to think so poorly of yourself, especially now that you are in the heaven you deserve. Rest. Be kind to yourself. You deserve all this and so much more. You deserve everything.” Castiel smiled softly, eyes flicking across Dean’s face, taking him in as though for the first time. The feeling in his chest swelled. “Try to love yourself as I love you. And as you love me.”

The last few words were spoken in a breathless whisper, acknowledging for the first time Dean’s returned feelings. 

Dean’s eyes softened. “Yeah. Yeah, ok, Cas. I think I can do that.” 

Castiel nodded but didn’t remove his hands. “Good.” 

They stood in silence for a moment. Dean’s hand moved to tug lightly on Castiel’s tie. 

“You changed me too, you know?” he said softly. “You made me care about you in a way that terrified me and excited me all at once. I’ve never felt that before. You gave me kindness and strength and loyalty. You helped me realise that I’m not a weapon or a monster or a killer. And...” he swallowed. “You’re helping me understand that I deserve good things. That I deserve love.” 

“That’s all I want for you,” Castiel murmured. “All I’ve ever wanted. I love you too.”

“Cas?” 

“Yes?” 

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes.” 

They came together as easy as breathing; Castiel’s hand moving to cup Dean’s cheek and Dean’s arm wrapping around his waist. Dean’s lips were as soft he’d always imagined and all Castiel could think was _Dean_ , _Dean_ , _Dean_ , _Dean_ , and _we should have done this years ago_. He tasted a hint of apple flavoured sweetness. Dean tilted his head, breaking their mouths apart for a split second that was far too long and Castiel hurried to press them back together, burying his hand in Dean’s hair. 

They broke apart after a long moment, both breathing heavily but reluctant to move any further away from each other. Far too much time had been spent restricting their touches and that time was over for good. Their noses bumped together and Castiel could still feel the ghost of Dean’s mouth on his. 

Dean chuckled breathlessly. “Never thought I’d get to do that,” he said. Up close, his smile made Castiel dizzy and he was grateful for Dean’s arm around his waist. “Thought about it a lot though.” 

“So did I,” Castiel admitted. His cheeks were beginning to ache from smiling, a very human problem. He rather liked it. “May I kiss you again?”

Dean laughed, a pure and happy sound. “Cas, you can kiss me anytime and as much as you like.” 

“Dangerous words,” Castiel observed, leaning in a little closer. 

Dean’s lips brushed his when he spoke. “I’m counting on it. Wouldn’t be heaven without a little danger.”

“Your definition of heaven is a little skewed.” 

“Well, we’re all a little skewed, aren’t we, Cas?” Dean’s smile was teasing and Castiel huffed a laugh. 

“I suppose we are.” 

**Author's Note:**

> RIP my emotional stability


End file.
